Ellie (aka Elliephant) died on December 29th.

There were many moments in Ellie’s final weeks I made an effort to remember. But I can’t write about them. I’ve never been able to write about grief. They are my memories and they wouldn’t mean as much to anyone else and I worry the act of trying would corrupt them. Like a VHS home video that gets rewound and replayed too many times. 

I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Still it felt sudden. I thought I was prepared. Turns out I was only prepared for the hypothetical idea of her one-day, years-off death. I wanted “old” to last ten years.

Seth and I were there for her final minutes. She woke us up at five am to say goodbye, meowing underneath our bed. It was not peaceful. It was terrible. But I’m glad we were there. And she was very happy until the final day. So were we. Our little purring furball.

Here’s to moments worth noticing, and letting those moments become hours, days, years, a life. 

Happy New Year.

❤ Denise